My review of The Dark Knight Rises as a series of questions

The Dark Knight (2008) is one of my favorite movies of the last 5 years. Besides some amazing characters and performances, it also dealt with some really cool themes! Good versus Evil! Law versus Chaos! Heroic Ideologies versus pursuit of Truth!

The Dark Knight Rises, however, wasn’t really any of these things!

And on top of that, like most Nolan movies, we came away with a lot of questions! (I mean, why doesn’t Leo just get Michael Caine to bring his children TO him. Still keeps me up at night).

Anyways, tons of spoilers ahead ->

There was 8 years of peace following Dent’s death - so why are they still a) mourning him and b) what’s the point of arguing the validity/efficiency of a law that put thousands of criminals behind bars?

Catwoman abducts a congressman so she can bring him to a criminal deal just so the cops show up to stop the bad guys from shooting her? That’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul to protect you from Peter, who is mad that you robbed him.

When looking for a lead in the congressional kidnapping, why did the cops decide to go into the sewer? (Let alone the police commissioner). And why did no one want to go down after him after he was missing/hurt? You guys heard gunshots, right?

Why did Bane’s henchmen bring Gordon to Bane? Aren’t they trying to stay secret? Keep things under wraps? It’s not like Gordon happened upon them. Even if Bane killed Gordon, wouldn’t everyone come looking for him? In your hideout?

Why does Bane’s mask make him sound like an elderly butler spooning me and talking loudly, directly into my ear?

The henchman tells Bane that they will never find Gordon because he could flow out of, like, 10 different waterways, yet JGL picks the right one? …You guys have more than 10 henchbros - pretty sure these are the tasks you guys agreed to when you signed up for your henchmen internship.

Speaking of JGL, he has deduced that Bruce is Batman? How? (This one I’m just actually kind of curious about.)

Bane and his banelievers break into the NYSE, use Bruce’s fingerprint (because the screen writers are 5 years old) to unlock trading power from his company and make ‘big bets’ on future stocks, all which die the next day. Which begs the question, HOW was this transaction not stopped? I’m pretty sure that ALL trading halts the second any weird Mortal Kombat bros come in with guns and start shooting at random things like monitors and LED tickers.

Suspecting Daggett to be the one behind the a-stock-alypse, he places control into the hands of a woman that he basically just met and slept with? (Remember when Alfred insists that she’s ‘lovely’ after Bruce refuses to meet with her? Yeah, THIS IS A WOMAN WHO IS ON THE BOARD OF HIS COMPANY and with whom he is also brokering mad deals with for clean power. How has he never met her before now?)

Batman goes to find/fight Bane by walking through the front door with no plan? Someone should teach Batman how to be Batman, I think.

And then Bane shows that they built their base directly below the secret Wayne Enterprises Defense Building? Bane knowing where the underground Nuclear Lair Thingy was makes sense in retrospect because Marion “The Girl That You Shouldn’t Trust In A Nolan Movie” Cotillard knew where it was… but how does he know the defense depot exists?

This prison - where is it? We never hear for sure, but one could deduce its somewhere in the Middle East. Bane just drops him off like its soccer practice?

Then this prison, described as “Hell On Earth” is built so that anyone is allowed to attempt escaping at any time, you get free TV that motivates you to get into shape, and you get two kind old men that coach you on how to get out and punch your dislocated vertebrae into place? And all of this happens in under 5 months? Impressive turnaround! Also impressive that your (earlier) doctor told you that you have no cartilage (?!?!) left in your knee, so you used that weird brace thing, but now you just grew cartilage and you’re fine I guess? Go escape Batman!

And as an aside, when does the “Hell On Earth” prison population go from being the kind of establishment that beats up Tom Hardy for trying to protect a child, and then years later basically acts as the Rise High School cheerleading squad? Cool hardcore prison.

And the ladies might not agree with me here, but why is Nolan set on turning famed 3rd Rock From The Sun actor JGL into some sort of badass? It didn’t really work with Inception (with his weirdly fake low voice) and it didn’t really work here. I mean, who wants to watch a Batman movie where Batman chills in a turkish prison while his twinky accidental-acquaintance-who-somehow-knows-everything-about-him solves crimes and stuff?

And where the HELL is the federal government here? Like - FIVE MONTHS PASS. Even IF they didn’t know that its essentially a time bomb (which still doesn’t really make a lot of sense to me), how would they just hang out?

Bruce hid his Bat plane thing on the roof of a skyscraper underneath a camo tarp. (this one is not a question, I’m just reminding you). 

And WHY does Bane (and later Marion “Don’t Trust Me” Cottiarldad) really care about this social experiment? Maybe I need to brush up on my Ra’s Al Ghuls, but I’m pretty sure he was more about destruction of humanity than wanting to play Sim City. I understand wanting to topple institutions before you blow up a bomb, but to do it for 5 months straight just seems like you’re bored and need new hobbies.

Regarding the “twist,” HOW does revealing Bane to be a tormented protecter of a child help with the narrative structure of us hating him (Or at least trying our best to)? And how does vilifying a woman who we know nothing about (and who carries no real obvious intellectual - certainly not physical - superiority to Bane or Batman) help drive home a climax??

Was Bane’s death the most anticlimactic death in the history of deaths? Was Catwoman’s return to the fight the most predictable thing in the history of predictions? Bet she was still reeling from that tunnel exodus party she threw that nobody showed up for.

How did the scene of 5 minutes left on the bomb literally last about 25 minutes? And why, with 1:30 left on the bomb, is he talking to or kissing ANYONE? If you decide your goal is to fly it as far away as possible, you should probably commit to that. Every second lost is another 100,000 people who will get cancer.

Why did Warner Brothers paint The Bronx out of the final scene? Was exploding the bomb over an ocean that would really be The Bronx used as some kind of cultural statement? Is Warner Brothers the most racist movie studio there is?

Is there anything more cliché in moviemaking than the Badge Throw™ ?

Has Commissioner Gordon only wrapped one boy in a blanket in his entire career? And does the fact that he still remembers that little boy’s name make him the creepiest?

How does Alfred cry about ‘failing’ Mr. and Mrs. Wanye when Batman just saved the lives of, like, millions of white people?

Did Nolan lose a bet to a friend and had to write “Wayne’s World” into the script somewhere? Because that’s certainly what I thought when they said “It’s Bruce Wayne’s World” at the end.

And lastly, what is the political statement that this movie is trying to make?! It starts off feeling like it was shoddily scribbled on a napkin by someone passing time in a tent at Zuccotti park - everything from the very weirdly uninspired and over-acted Catwoman whisper-rant (SO LITTLE FOR THE REST OF USSSS), to the contempt the city has for a fallen billionaire, to Bane talking about how the rich would be toppled once and for all. But then the 99% gets put in charge and their idea of a court is a crazy man sitting on a bunch of desks who sentences everyone to ‘death’ or ‘death’? Here’s a tip: If you are going to write a script about a topical issue, make sure you actually have something to say. Try to steer clear of using real issues as just fodder for your poorly-designed plot. Honestly, a perspective that is like “these people are bad! and then these people are bad!” just wastes everyone’s time and disrespects everyone’s intelligence.

But yeah, the movie is still entertaining. There are some good parts.

Just don’t ask too many questions I guess?

132 notes


  1. radoration reblogged this from bestrooftalkever and added:
    via bestrooftalkever
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  8. brinks-one-armed-girl reblogged this from huffley6 and added:
    sad but kinda true
  9. neitzel51 answered: probably half of these questions are answered in the movie, sorry that the answers given aren’t up to your standards.
  10. robmeyer answered: All valid points, Nick. Plot holes don’t bother me too much. Overall I still enjoyed it more than Dark Knight, but less that Burton Batmans.
  11. thekeylime reblogged this from bestrooftalkever and added:
    AWESOME review/questioning/rant...“The Dark Knight Rises”.
  12. anthony-the-dean reblogged this from bestrooftalkever
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  16. wechangethem reblogged this from bestrooftalkever and added:
    Nailed it.
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