Best Roof Talk Ever — Part 1 in a Series: Your Guide to The World Ending on May 21st, 2011!

Part 1 in a Series: Your Guide to The World Ending on May 21st, 2011!

Hey Kids!

Now, I don’t know about your dumb city, but here in New York, there are a BUNCH of crazy people who are driving around in painted RVs and shoving papers into my hand that say the world is going to end on May 21st, 2011!

At first I thought they were crazy! But then, I saw on their various literature that the Bible says it’s true. I did a little research (lol it was a lot) and I’ve decided that I’m on board!

I’m going to condense my findings for you guys in multiple parts on this blog!
Let’s start it off, shall we?

This is Harold Camping. If you decide to also believe that the world is ending in a week or so, this guy is your new L Ron. Don’t worry about that picture up top, I assure you he’s still alive.

So let’s start with the question that you’re all wondering, “How can you claim the Bible says explicitly says ‘May 21st, 2011’ when my concordance explicitly says it doesn’t?”

Well, you fucking heathen, let’s start first by redefining a few things.

Now that you are a member of the Family Radio family, there’s something you have to realize about God and the Bible: First, some things that the Bible repeated, stressed, and clearly defined should be interpreted as figurative (What is Hell? Here Harold says it’s nothing but a grave!). Secondly, some things that we’re assured we will never know (Revelation 3:3, “You will not know what hour I will come upon you”), are clearly defined by hidden codes and funny math.

Are you still with me? Good!

Here is how the Bible shows us that the world is going to end on May 21st (via wikipedia):

According to Harold Camping (ed. note: LOL), the number five equals “atonement”, the number ten equals “completeness”, and the number seventeen equals “heaven”.
Christ is said to have hung on the cross on April 1, 33 AD. The time between April 1, 33 AD and April 1, 2011 is 1,978 years.
If 1,978 is multiplied by 365.2422 days (the number of days in a solar year, not to be confused with the lunar year), the result is 722,449.
The time between April 1 and May 21 is 51 days.
51 added to 722,449 is 722,500.
(5 x 10 x 17)2 or (atonement x completeness x heaven)2 also equals 722,500.

Harold has taught me so much about religious math since I’ve started following him. Here, I’ve been practicing! I will now use math to prove to you that… uh… a van is also, uh… ice cream:

The first widely available consumer van was the VW mini-bus. It was released in 1950.
The first ice cream recipe was believed to be dated to the year 1718.
1950 - 1718 = 232
According to me, the best amount of ice cream is two scoops.
232 divided by 2 = 116
Amount of letters in “some vans” = 8
116 divided by 8 = 15.5
15.5 times two is 31, or The number of Baskin Robbins Flavors.

Harold thinks I’m really improving. By tomorrow I will probably be able to do that in 3 steps.

In the next installment: I’ll show you how to quit your job and maximize your budget so that your money will run out on the day you’ll be raptured! Hope you’re as excited as me!